Low self-esteem usually has its roots in dysfunctional families, in which there was a tense atmosphere, similar to the ever-present danger. Parents demonstrated low self-esteem, were inadequate models for learning to communicate, express feelings and solve problems. Usually, the right to vote was unequally distributed, and children were deprived. In this way, a feeling of emotional abandonment settled.
Children, in their own inability to regain security, give themselves the position of the culprit for parental problems, which internalizes the toxic feeling of shame. Insecurity, anxiety, anger, distrust cannot stand to be either too close or without your partner in yourself and others, the need to please others, addiction, become an integral part of the baggage they carry through life. Through accumulated shame, insecurity, lack of self-confidence, children can develop an insecure bonding pattern that tends to be transmitted to partnerships as well. In some situations, persons.
Essentially, it has nothing to do with partnership but with the scars of basic insecurity, taken from a family of origin. How does a lack of confidence in a partnership manifest itself? There are different behavioral patterns in the partnership that are a manifestation of internal processes driven by a lack of self-confidence:
- Sacrificing one's own needs in order to satisfy one's partner;
- Preoccupation with the partner and the partnership, concern for the relationship, constant re-examination of whether the partner wants less intimacy;
- Projection of negative outcomes, thinking about how the relationship is going in a negative direction, the feeling of unfulfilled and unhappy (a consequence of unspoken and unfulfilled needs);
- Hiding one's own wrong beliefs (which leads to distance in the relationship, and the real cause is not recognized); - Jealousy and seeking evidence that will convince that there are reasons for it (which activates behaviors that only force the partner even further);
- Avoiding intimacy and intimacy (the other extreme of insecurity), flirting with other people, ignoring the partner, his needs and feelings, making decisions without agreement. Communication skills, which as a model were lacking in a dysfunctional family, are key to any intimate relationship. The more intimate the relationship, the greater and more complex the communication requirements.
Lack of self-confidence can also be seen through concrete communication examples: denial of one's own feelings and needs (in a base that should have been safe, feelings and needs were neglected), in order to avoid criticism or rejection from the partner; avoiding questions, assumptions about what the partner thinks and feels, excessive care, blaming the partner, lying, criticism, avoiding problem solving, ignoring or controlling the partner. How does low self-esteem become part of relationship dynamics? Similarity in self-confidence, rather than complementarity, has an impact on the functionality of the couple and satisfaction with the partnership. People who have similarities in self-confidence have similar ways of communicating and expressing feelings on a daily basis.
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